Enviga - The secret is out

Well, Coke unveiled Enviga today, which I guess brings our little experiment to a close. Enviga is a new green tea beverage that actually burns calories by accelerating your metabolism. Seems that you can burn about 60-100 calories per can (we seem to be averaging around 75 cal/can).

We've actually been experimenting with the stuff on Michael Stipe for the past few years. He's all into his green tea, so we got a junior operative to pose as his "personal spiritual assistant" (eliminate the "spiritual", and that's all it is) and feed him a can once a day after yoga. Stipe is such a nut that he actually calculates how many calories he needs to stay alive (1 creepy stage show = 873 calories), and only eats that much food. So a can of this stuff a day and you can see why he'd start wasting away.

In case you were wondering, Stipe got picked for the project after releasing Up and Reveal back to back. We took a poll around the office, and collectively found him more expendable than Bono. Which was totally a good call, as Pop appears to only have been an anomaly.