A lesson in reading subtext

This article in the Times today is a perfect opportunity to learn about reading the subtexts that are going on in a story. See now, it looks like a nice little business article about Ford trying to turn itself around by bringing in a new CEO. But really, there are several clues to what’s really going on here…

1. Read their faces: Notice how Bill Ford has that “just fuck it, let him try, I’m so sick of this shit” look on his face? While Alan Mulally looks like that clueless uncle you had growing up, the one who you had to hook up his VCR for at Thanksgiving? These guys are what’s known in the business as “pawns”. [Note, that’s my business, not the business of selling boring cars.]
2. Look for smart guys making what on the surface appears to be a really dumb move: (Not that I’m calling Bill Ford smart. Give that guy a liquor store in the ghetto and he’d run it into the ground.) Notice how in the article it’s really obvious that Mulally is not the guy for this plum job? Let’s review… First, he got passed over several times at his own company for promotion. Second, when he was in the airplane business he copied the auto industry, now he’s coming back to tell them how to do their jobs? Third, he’s a moron. Why would you study the Taurus as a success over Toyota and Honda? While the Japanese rode their cars to the bank, Ford was busy playing shell games with their Hertz subsidiary to make the Taurus a winner.
3. Look for the distraction: Notice how there’s all this fanfare for the new guy while nothing is actually going to be in his control? There’s a new plan already in place (to eliminate 30,000 jobs) that he’s going to oversee, with all the same people there to run it. Boy, sure looks like he’s just a lame duck…
4. Look for the bozo politician: Since when does big industry look to a big labor politician like Dick Gephardt for advice on how to run their companies? Try never. Methinks me smells a rat…
   

Once you put together all the clues, it’s obvious what’s going on here. The Ford board told Bill that while he’d made some really nice commercials, that he was a loser as a CEO. Then they handed him a plan to kill 30,000 union jobs. But how do you slip that one by the unions? Oh, maybe if you buddy up to a big, dumb, washed-up labor politician and ask him what he thinks. Gephardt could have pointed to the cashier at Wendy’s and it wouldn’t have mattered. Now you’ve taken his advice and you bring the new guy in. He swings the axe on the jobs. The union bosses say, "Don't worry, Dick said it was cool." And a couple months later you show a dumbstruck Mulally to the door. Go get yourself a real CEO, and you’re back in business.

We do this kind of shit all the time overseas when we’re upending governments. Sure it seems like a lot of work, the whole dog and pony show, but it really feels good when you’ve got that stoodge sitting there at the big desk, thinking he’s all that, while you’re kicking him over falls in his little rowboat of a government.

Of course, that only happens in little countries, with uneducated populaces. That would never happen in a big superpower. You could never pull a fast one on them like that. You know, get a guy in office who wasn’t up to the task… get him to do some really stupid shit that could ruin the country… all for the sake of an agenda shared by just a few really shrewd individuals…

Did I ever tell you about the people I work for?