Half the story, again

This is so typical of the New York Times. They're always only getting half the story. Check out this article on the dwindling numbers of Zoroastrians. Yeah, it's tough for them to marry, yeah their traditions are getting diluted, blah blah... But what about the difficulty for spooks to infiltrate the group, huh? How about that?

Man, I had a mission about 4 years ago to get inside a congregation in Atlanta. That was one of the hardest missions I've ever done... and I didn't even get shot at!

You see, normally with these religious groups, all you have to is put on the blank stare, do some chanting, and shout, "Death to whomever!" and you're totally in. And if it isn't a Christian group, than you just have a few other customs to get down. But the Zoroastrians... yeesh!

First of all, there's so few that they all know each other. So you're constantly getting, "Hey, I haven't seen you before. Are you Hamed's cousin? Have you met my daughter?" Or if they do start to recognize you, its, "Hey, I know you... You still haven't gone out with my daughter yet, though. Let me hook you crazy kids up!"

So that's why the job was so rough. In the spy business, anonimity is your friend. That's why the Klan is like a fuckin' vay-cay. You put on the damn hood, drink some beer in Cletus' backyard, maybe you march around, light some fires. By the end of the weekend you've usually not only got the guy you wanted on tape spoutin' off about the crime that he did or was planning to commit, but you've usually also got some asshole on beastiality charges too. Best part is since you were wearing a hood, you can come back next month and get some other dumb bastard!

Those jobs are the best, but the Zoroastrians are a completely different story. I can't give you the details of the situation (basically it was about protecting some priest who was the target of a centuries old vendetta from the old country, typical stuff.) I was successful in the mission, and I also got more tail that month than I'd seen since that job in Canada. Still, it wasn't easy.

And if I can make one final comment on the Zoroastrians and their prospects for the future, let's just take a look at the facts here:

1. They encourage women to have careers.
2. They believe in free will, even in matters of religion.
3. They don't proselytize.
4. They don't believe that you require a physical church.
   
5. Their basic doctrine is, "Good thoughts, good words, good deeds."

Folks, it's time to look around and face facts. You're out of step with the modern world here. Just give it up.